Day #133: Kameelputs, SA: Lacking Initiative

Mae was right. Some people dream of large mansions and shiny cars. My dream resides here in this small room, within these dung walls, under this tin roof. It's all just what one sees as prosperity and wealth, right? God help me.

I can't complain about today. Another boring day on a string of them. I want to make a difference, but I lack the initiative. I don't know how to approach this fight, but my biggest fear is that this will be all in vain, that this dream will stay only in this heart, never to be seen with human eyes. I ask to achieve great things only through God's grace. I must lead by example, as a testimony of faith.

Day #132: Kameelputs, SA: Listening for the Answer

I actually chased goats out of my yard just now. How funny.

I'm in high spirits. It was a pleasant, calm day. I set up a table and chair and worked in the sun. Ahhhh...I kind of miss being a student.

I read my devotional book this afternoon. "It wasn't that Jesus was silent; it was that John had been listening for the wrong answer. John had been listening for the answer to his earthly problems, while Jesus was busy resolving his heavenly ones." Hmmmm...makes me think of all the times I misunderstood God's silence for His preoccupation. Something to think about.

Day #129: Kameelputs, SA: Heartbreak, Heartache

Traleathea, my closest PCV and friend, is giving it three more months before she surrenders. I hope she hangs in there, but how can I keep someone here who doesn't feel its power? I have a bad feeling I'm going to have to let her go at some point. I'm not gonna tell her how much she'll break my heart. I'm going to listen and support, like the good friend I am...Where is she? She should be here by now.

I miss my family and friends from home. So many random memories went floating through as I sat in the sun this afternoon, watching the barefoot children jumping so fast. Sigh...

Day #128: Kameelputs, SA: Pep Talk to Self

My heart feels a little lighter today. My talk with Dale cleared the air. Do not let go. Do not give up. Let faith lead you. You don't have to have all the answers. Newsflash: You don't even know the questions anymore. Stay strong and spirited. Work on yourself first, then make small steps to improve big circumstances. You don't have to be strong all the time, you just have to survive. Some days you have your hands full with just that one mission. Be easy on yourself. You know why you're here. Let that one vision lead you.

A man by the name of Nevell handed me a book, yellowed and worn with use, underlined with urgent care. The title: Can Your Faith Fail? I think God is sending me an important message. I have no choice but to sit up and take notice. How can I not?

Day #127: Kameelputs,SA: Keeping It Alive

Agnes, the local teenagers who visits often, has a shine to her eyes-I can see it! I hope she always keeps that glow, although I'm fearful she won't. Save the children, God. Look at them-they need you!

This day has been too long. Everything about me is tired: my heart, my mind, my body. I want to talk to the people I love. I hope one of them calls tonight. I need to speak with Dale. He deserves more than I can give right now. I hope all this makes sense one day. I'm counting on it.

I got some cool mail this afternoon. I do feel loved, but it's hard to keep it alive and strong from here. The feeling leaves way too quickly, leaving me even more empty and sad. I'll pull through, I always do. Just have to keep the faith through it out. Easier said than done.

Day #126:Kameelputs,SA: Breathing Out the Bad

Arg. Too many kids in this room and this place smells like tuna fish. Surprised it's not enough to get them running. I'm tired today with lots of work tonight. I hope I'm able to tackle this upcoming workshop with conviction and fire. Really, I'll be happy if I can sound intelligent and survive.

I should have shut my mouth to Dale last night. Now he's all upset and worried. I just need to talk myself out of these moods before confronting him. I just want to be open and honest, so there will be no surprises. We'll see. I still have faith.

8pm...AGHHH! What an afternoon! I still have work to do. Some kids broke my only frisbee and a teenager criticized my looks. Kedibone is angry because she didn't get her way and Ottilia, a remedial teacher, told me I'm getting fat. I'm currently breathing it out. Help me, Jesus!!

Day #125:Kameelputs, SA: Love Questioned

I'm in a relatively good mood. Subject to change, of course. I feel like I have a lot of work this week. Definitely shouldn't be bored. I had a fabulous weekend. My girls and I drank ourselves silly. It was beautiful-much needed. I took gobs of pictures. I appreciate those crazy girls so much. They're so sweet and I adore how we all get along so much.

I got a note from Susan, my good friend at home, and she seems slightly skeptical about my relationship with Dale. It was so sudden and she's right to be concerned. I take her perspective seriously and know she'd never play me. I wish I could figure this whole Dale thing out. I will. I just need time..and Jesus. I hope my eyes always remain open to God's grace.

Day #121:Kameelputs, SA: Reasons to Celebrate

Dale just called. What a sweetheart. I don't know what I'd do without him.

Everything is kosher here:
*Naledi, my friend, and Kedibone, my sister, are studying and Judy, my best friend, just left.
*My host mom, MaBetty, brought by fatcakes and tangerines.
*The kids came by to draw.
*Sylvia and Agnes, the local teens, played frisbee with me.
*Poppy and Ann, my fellow educators, brought me lunch to share.
*Dale called and Mom is calling tonight.
*Stacy, my best friend&PCV, just got my letter and feels the same.
*I get to see my girls (other PCVs) tomorrow!
I think that's enough reason to celebrate.

The people here from Mammutla Village call me "White Teacher". I actually like the sound of that! I love life!! It's complete no matter where I am and who surrounds me. I have peace in my heart! I know it's because of Jesus alone.

Day #120: Kameelputs, SA: Opening Minds&Classrooms

I woke up warm, talking quietly to God. I went to bed cold, doing the same thing. He really helped me out today! I feel good about the way things are going...will hopefully go. I recognize that I need to stick tight to this crew of educators. Some will pull a fast one over on me for sure. I can't believe I actually had a productive week! Okay, it's only Tuesday, but I have high hopes for the rest of the week.
It's so strange how one day is as great as the one before was crappy. I guess that's just the way things work, eh? God always comes through. Thank you, God, for lighting my way through today's closed minds and dark classrooms. May I continue to walk boldly hand-in-hand with you.

Day #119: Kameelputs,SA: Why Did I Agree to This?

It was a crummy day! I'm still recovering from my cold and I've agreed to conduct a teacher workshop tomorrow. I'm suddenly so nervous about it. Why did I agree to this?! I hope I'm able to use this opportunity to change at least one perspective. Please, Jesus, use me as a vessel of light. Stand beside me tomorrow and all the days following.

Day #116: Kameelputs, SA: I Don't Ask For Much.

I hate being sick. Who doesn't? I haven't left my room all day, except a few trips to the latrine. Dale called right on cue last night, just when I was calling out. It really is the simple things, like breathing out of both nostrils and feeling warmth at night. I don't ask for much.

Today, in this moment of solitude, I really feel Dale and I will work. We do work. The only time I doubt it is when I bring other people into the equation, which should never really happen with two people in love. This is good for me, for us.

I love you, Savior. Heal my sickened body, replenish my weakened spirit, and set on fire my tired heart. Protect your beloved followers. Save their broken souls.

Day #114: Kameelputs, SA: What I Really Want...

I slept this afternoon. It's too cold to sleep at night. Last night I realized that what I really want is Dale-his natural heat and warmth. I asked God for peace and comfort, to embrace this new love (among other things). I really must give it all to Him. It's my last option when clearly it should be my first. Oh, I'm learning. I can't leave this place any less strong. I won't surrender to anything guided by ungodly motives. I'll fight. I'll push through. I'm a soldier humbled only by the power of God, love, and things good and pure.

As a side note, the people of Mammutla Village, where one of my three schools is, has no idea why I'm here, even after many explanations. It's very frustrating, but I hope to set them straight again tomorrow.

Day #113: Kameelputs, SA: The Mystery of the Lost Towel

I can't find my freaking towel. I can't concentrate on anything else. I don't think I can trust my host sister, Kedibone. Of course, I care about her, but she's too much like a real sister sometimes. I wonder if she knows where my towel is. This room is too small to lose anything. Good God!!

Okay, tried yoga today in my room. HA. I need a little work, to say the least.

I miss Dale. I'm scared more about this working out than about this failing. Am I in love with this man?!? Some days I feel it as strongly as I feel my babies creation in Heaven now. Other days I'm not entirely convinced. I know it will all fall into place when it's time. I believe that. I understand that faith is all I have. I have no choice but to live by it!

Save the sufferers. Heal the broken-hearted. Love to the faithfully departed. Peace to the world, to the children of God.

Day #112: Kameelputs, SA: Getting Back on Track

Just talked to Mom. I love her perspective, how she always knows what to say. Well, usually. Wish Dale would call. I adore that man!

I need Jesus. Oh, it's a fine moment. I just need to know what to do and I don't. I need to fight for this vision and get on track. I need direction and focus-a way of my own. Been thinking of Jesus a lot and I certainly do trust Him. I hope I'm able to show that. I know I have such big moments of doubt, but faith is seeing the vision in our hearts when we can't see in from our eyes. I can do it! We can do it!

Day #108: Kameelputs, SA: I Dream of Dale

I ate peanut butter straight from the jar-lots of it. I slept for four hours during the day. I thought of God when I could.

I had a dream of Dale. He was kind, curious, and running in all sorts of directions without me. I only wanted him near and he was so preoccupied. I called his name and believed his word. Stephanie, an old friend, was there, as well, upset about a love between a man and a woman. I was gentle with her cynicism. I'm trying not to read into this dream, but I want that man close. To feel his arm draped over me in sleep, his warm breath on the back of my neck-the only comforts I'm ever going to need on this earth.

I sat quietly thinking of why I should hold on to us. One word came to me: LOVE. Combined with faith, I need nothing else. Thank you for salvation, Christ the only Lord. I chose love through you, because of you.

Day #107: Kameelputs, SA: A Team of Three

Okay, I breathed it out and I think I may just make it out alive. I say tomorrow I demand my alone time. No joke. This is ridiculous!

Somedays I want to go home to Jesus. Sounds weird, but He's the only home we know. Still carrying doubts of Dale and me and our sweet possibility. One day at a time. I don't need to be afraid anymore. I can surrender to it: love, God, Dale, and all the promises we can keep together-the three of us as a team! I don't have to do it all alone anymore.

Help me, Jesus, to stay strong in you. Let me stand with conviction for what I believe to be true. Allow me to lead others gallantly to the life uncommon, the road untraveled--okay, okay, just get me through the week!!

Day #106: Kameelputs, SA: Goodbye, Good Riddance!

Okay, two months have passed , but I'm going to try to make this a habit.

I love Jesus! Did you know it? I mean, some moments-okay, days!-I don't know up from down and why I chose down, but that's where God wants me, right here in this moment.

ACK! I swear there's something rather large in the bag across the room. I can hear it breathing. You know, this place really can freak me out. I have such an imagination. It runs wild!

So Brian, the PCV who lived closest, is gone and I'm almost relieved. Underdogs and lost boys tend to gravitate towards me, no doubt another one of God's little schemes. God can be so tricky like that! I wonder if I did wrong by Brian, if he would have stayed if I was enough. He brought it to my attention just minutes before he said his final farewell (as farewells often seem to be) and left my life forever.

It all works out in the end, that's what I keep telling myself. Can't help but to wonder how much impact and control we really have. I'm guessing very little, but I'm so good at torturing myself with all the little ways it hasn't added up yet. Thank you, my Messiah. You're the reason...that's all I need to know. The rest is details.

Day #61: Kameelputs, SA: The Birthday Blues

Oh man, I was afraid the tears would fall. I think I cried last year on my birthday. Go figure. Yeah, I had that big confrontation with my roommates (and friends), Sarah and Megan. Talk about a breakdown. Wow. I am pitiful. Hello--like I didn't know my birthday would come while I'm in Kameelputs. Just be happy I'm alive. At least I'll have Traleathea by my side tomorrow. Count your blessings, baby. You have plenty. Embrace them. Celebrate! Life is so sweet.

Thank you for another day to love, for another year to serve, for this life to give. Help me to keep my sights on only you.

Day #60: Kameelputs, SA: A Plea for Peace

So here I am at my permanent site. I think I'll do alright here. Walked around in town and I have to be honest: I got the creeps. Too many people watching and commenting. I mustn't lose patience, but it's hard.

I'm concerned about this war. Grown men should be ashamed, fighting like children. I don't understand the circumstances of this war at all, but it seems to me there should never be a reason to kill innocent people. We hide behind ideals of freedom and justice when we should be practicing love. I never want to understand. Please, God, save your children. Bring peace to their hearts. Take them home safely. Hear their prayers and relieve their pains and fears. Save their souls.

Day #57: Kameelputs, SA: Another Fresh Start

I'm thinking so much. Such a strange day. My first night in my second home here. I'm kinda bummed about leaving my friends in Moruleng. You'd think I'd be used to this, but I'd be heartless if I was. I like it here, though. Looks like I'm gonna be able to create that library after all. I'm optimistic.

Thank you, Messiah, for an open mind and peaceful, faith-filled heart. Let me embrace the differences. I pray for Jeffrey, Traleathea's fallen brother. Watch over Ray in Irag, okay? Let peace and love reign. Our nation-our world-needs you....PLEASE!

Day #56: Pampierstad, SA: Mapaseka is Born!

Another day nearly over. I went to church-let's just say it was interesting. Our little visitors just left. My new name is Mapaseka: she who was born on Good Friday. (Yeah, I didn't get to pick!) Athelia, my host principal and site supervisor, is awesome, fun, and vibrant-very maternal and welcoming. She's great and makes me feel a part of things. I think I'm going to really fit in here, once I get past all the looks and shock. They will learn to love me!

Day #53: Moruleng, SA: This Too Shall Pass

Trying to think of a new name for site. I'm considering Naledi, meaning Star. My 24th birthday is arriving in nine days. Hope it's a good one.

I got sad this afternoon. Wish I didn't feel like I always have to fight. I miss my life! Oh, I've accepted this one and I'm pleased to live it. Just homesick and sad. This too shall pass. Must take the good with the bad, right? Hoping to have a youth leadership camp once at site. Never know the lives we can touch when we reach our children. True dat!

I love you, Jesus! Give me strength!!

Day #52: Moruleng, SA: Faith+Love=Peace

I can't break his heart. I won't. It's not an option. I've done it so often in the past and he believes in us. I've promised him. It'll work out. I'll keep doing what I'm doing and things will fall into place. They always do! With faith all things come to be that are meant to be.

Faith + Love = Joy, Contentment, and Peace. Thank you, Jesus! I believe in you! I believe in us!

Day #51: Moruleng, SA: For Love of Music

Oh, you know I adore all children, but I started writing at eight o'clock and I haven't had one free moment to myself. I introduced my cd player and five hours later everyone and their mom has listened to 15 songs three times. Good God. Now, drunk Pheto, my host father at training, is listening to Jars of Clay when I should be. Breathe it out, Kate. It won't matter in a week. Hell-it won't matter in two hours. Just something to keep in mind for my official site. Know my boundaries. Set limitations. It will only be great if I'm healthy and happy.

Thank you, Jesus, for the opportunity to love and share. Help me to be a vessel of light and not of frustration and impatience. Praise you!! Let people see your light through me!

Day #50: Moruleng, SA: Mammutla, Here I Come!

Whew-eeee! Mammutla, here I come!!

Here's what I know about my placement:
*Village farthest south in the Northwest Province
*Six miles from Brian, 15 from Traleathea, 135 from Kimberely (the city), next to a dam
*Must find good cell phone reception
*No electricity
*Room outside of host family house

Just what I wanted. I'm stoked! Just have a good feeling about it. God takes good care of me, doesn't He?!! Everything will fall into place. Praise Jesus! You always know. How do you do it?! Thank You! My heart is exploding with hope, faith, love-all the goodness that can come from you. Thank you for peace of heart and mind. Help me to stay strong in weak moments. I adore you.

I ask you for watch over Traleathea, Danielle, and all the good people of SA10 (the 10th PC group to go to South Africa)! Also, you know my family, friends, and enemies back home need you, even those who are too ignorant or silly to know it. Save them!

Day #49: Moruleng, SA: Premonitions & Friendship

I don't know what I'm doing. You know, some days I just have this sneaking suspicion that I'm gonna break Dale's heart. Just a premonition-I sincerely hope that won't be the case.

Good God, I'm so glad I'm here. I really have to work some things out. But don't I always?! Thank you, Jesus, for the beautiful day spent among new friends. Keep me in line. I need you to keep me on my game. This weekend was beautiful and I know it's because of you.

Day #16: Moruleng, SA: The Beauty of Africa

Tumiseng, the neighbor girl, is listening to Fiona Apple. What a glorious moment! Connections through music--Rock On!

I wonder if Mae sent out that mass email. Hope I'm missed.

Been so zonked lately. I need to be more lively. SNAP OUT OF IT!!

This place is so beautiful. I"ll never forget the way the sun shines on the hillside in the late afternoon and how the stars shine so brightly at night. All that shining--WHEW!

Thank you, Messiah. Watch over my people-ALL people. Have mercy.

Day #14: Moruleng, SA: I Do!

I'm in good spirits today. I got some friend time in, which is always good. I got an interesting marriage proposal. So hard to turn down-Yeah Right!

Talked to Mae (best friend at home). What a beacon of bright light! Please watch over her, my Messiah. She deserves it. Oh yeah, P.S. I'm gonna marry Dale. It's decided. (I really believe you've made that choice, God. I hope I'm hearing what you're telling me!) Thank you for this day to love, to smile, to heal. You are my rock!

Day #13: Moruleng, SA: Curiousity & Ignorance

What a blessed day! It's so great to make connections with other PCVs. What would I do without them here?! Also, it's interesting how everyone is in my business. What an adjustment.

Please, Jesus, give me the strength and patience to push through. Help me to understand their curiousity and ignorance. (Bad word "ignorance" and I don't mean anything by it. They just don't understand Americans.) Push me through, Jesus. I need you more than ever!

Day #9: Moruleng, SA: One Week Down, Forever to Go

I'm so sleepy. I'm dirty and hot, sunburned and sore (from shots). If one more person speaks or expects Setswana from me tonight, I'll die. One week down and it feels like forever.

I am glad to be here, just tired and cranky. I'll get over it. I always do. I'll see a child tomorrow and remember why I'm doing this. Watch over me, Jesus. I need you now more than ever.
I MISS YOU, DALE!!

Day #8: Moruleng, SA: Bugs, Language, & Shots

Whew-ee! What a day!

Three shots in the arm is all it takes to get the world spinning. Funny how that works. I didn't faint, so I'm proud about that. (Thanks to Jen and Doug, other PCVs, who saved the moment!)

I wonder how Juliette and Joe, my cousins, are today. It's 2:30 at home-Dale is at work.

Okay, back to Africa...
I'd be okay without bugs and learning a new language. Setswana is challenging. I'm so guarded. I can't wait to be more free! I hope to get mail soon. I miss my friends and family! I know they love me and believe in me. I can do anything I really put my heart into.

Thank you, Jesus, for my blessings. Help me to stay strong and smart, healthy and safe-always believing in the power of YOU. We can do it!! We're a team FOREVER!

"Nothing..in the whole world will ever be able to separate us from the love of God." Romans 8:39

Day #7: Moruleng, SA: Welcome to Africa!

I've never seen anything so beautiful in all my life! I'll never forget those children, singing and dancing so unreserved. Their dark skin glowed. Their smiles shined. What a welcome!

My new name (here in my training village) is Mpho. It means "gift". The people here believe that. I don't need to convince them. They're so happy to have me! I'm so pleased to be here.

I'm going to leave on a light, airy note. If I think too hard I start to imagine what friends (Dale!) are doing back home right now, what I was doing last week at this time (with Dale!), last month, and so on. Bad cycle. I made the right choice. I'm choosing to have faith and trust in that. I love you, my Messiah! Keep me strong and healthy in this place. I adore you!

Day #6: Resort near Pretoria, SA: Homesickness Hits

What a wild couple of days! Crazy indeed. Been constantly moving about-never alone. Got a small, but managable dose of Dale-homesickness. It would just be so great if he were here with me now. Gotta stop thinking about him. It prohibits me from really experiencing this life.

"Eyes wide open,
Always hoping
for the sun..." -Norah Jones

Lord, take this life-take this heart and make it pure and good. Thank you for bringing me to this place. May I bless those I encounter and allow my heart and mind to be open.

Day #3 : Philadelphia, PA, USA: Freedom of Followed Dreams

I feel great!! Good music, amazing people-what more could I possibly request?! And HECK YEAH---I'm leaving this afternoon for South Africa!! It doesn't get any more sweet than this. Imagine all the possibilities. It's consuming.

My God, how I love you. You fill me with such life! I was so frightened, but now-here in this place-it's clear that I made the right choice. I am so fulfilled! Oh, I know it's subject to change, as everything is, but I'll survive all the storms. How can I not make it?! I have all the tools for success: an intelligent mind, a strong heart, hands that heal, a thriving spirit, and the faith to create miracles. Damn, Jesus, we are good. What an amazing team!

I look around at the people-all these people-all in such a hurry, all lost in some way. There's such beauty in this world. I hope to always embrace it, to allow it to creep into this heart slowly and burst into everything I say and do. I want all that I give and do and am to be out of love. I've never felt so free!!

Day #1: Akron/Canton Airport, OH, USA: Empowered Visions

So, here I am, about to embark on my next adventure. I'm so stoked! I held my own better than anticipated during my departure from my family this morning. I'm proud. I see my dream--the vision in my heart--and I went for it! I hope to always feel this empowered-to always know that this life is destined for great things-to always feel the strength and courage to do as my heart demands. I will succeed. I've decided...I've declared it. I don't believe in failure.

The Beginning

So, here I am, at the beginning...once again.

My name is Katy Prather and I have a lot of things to say about everything. I don't know where to start or how to end, so we'll just take this as it comes. This is my first time as a blogger and, to be honest, I'm a little reluctant. My husband has been convincing me for months to begin this conquest of words and experiences...to share with you the things I've experienced through my words...and I finally figured, what do I have to lose?

So let me start at the place where everything began, simple enough. I was a Peace Corps Volunteer in South Africa for two years, 2003 to 2005, so what you will read are my thoughts, feelings, and memories during that time. It was sometimes rough, as my words may reflect, but I hope through reading you will gain some knowledge about what the people of Africa have to offer. I, in return, will have the joy of looking back with peace to a land far away and to people I love and miss very much. (As for my husband, Dale, his story is also mine. Our journey will be told in entries to come. Our love unfolding, step by step, day by day.)

Thank you for reading. Now I begin...