Day #275: Kameelputs, SA: A Dramatic Moment

It has rained heavily for a majority of the day. I was pleased at first, as it matched my mood, but now I'm dissatisfied. It seems God cannot even make me happy these days. It's my sign to start making some major changes within myself. No time like the present. What the hell am I waiting for?

The sun shines briefly as a reminder that all is well and sweet and not to worry, we are all God's children. How easy it is to forget when we choose to do so. I need to listen more closely. I'm too easily distracted. I must keep on the straight and narrow path. I am not forsaken. I've just forgotten myself again. Who was I before I became me? Where have I gone to and why so far away?

Laura is not joining us in Cape Town. I am sad for her absence, but still intend to make the most of our holiday season.

"She sees shooting stars and comet tails. She's got Heaven in her eyes. She says, 'I don't need to be an angel, But I'm nothing if I'm not this high.' We only stay in orbit for one moment in time. You're everybody's satellite. I wish that you were mine." Counting Crows

My heart is confused-heavy one minute and light the next. I can never take life for granted again, yet what am I doing now? Wasted days on a string. Counting them down until I'm home. The traveler is rarely satisfied-always seeking even when it's found. Suppose I should speak only for myself. There's noone to blame or challenge. I made this path. Cut down the forest with my machete and passion, threatening the same fate to those who stood in my way of there to here-past to present...or was it past to future, or perhaps something different altogether? Difficult to say in these difficult times. I'm full of excuses this evening.

I want to sleep as angels with moonbeams on my eyebrow. Instead, for now, I'll settle for buzzing mosquitoes, lurking cockroaches, and the moonlight through the open window. (The light seems to avoid my face. I'm too hurt to ask why.)