Day #257: Kameelputs, SA: Full Throttle

Talk about ups and downs! On my 15th wind now and I'm going with it. Isn't this what life is all about? Feeling every emotion full throttle. No escape, no hiding, no interpreting, no manipulating. Easier said than done, but I have faith. I will pull through.

God is my rock, my everything. I need to make sure Dale understands this, that our relationship will be faith-based, tried and true. It can't be any other way.

In the end, these things matter most:
How well did you love?
How fully did you live?
How deeply did you learn to let go?

Day #256: Kameelputs, SA: So Our Motto Goes

Dale called twice in these past two days. I feel much better, but how pathetic is that? I don't even want to admit it. I am so in love with that man. Hope he doesn't give up on me, on us.

Headed to Traleathea's(PCV)this weekend and I'm not even looking forward to it, as I usually do. There is just too much hanging in the air between us and I know I'll have to bring life to all of them. I kind of want to ignore it, but what good would that do? HA! Speak of the devil and she texts. I think I'm confusing her. "Let it happen, let it go", right? So our motto goes.

What a peace-filled moment. Trying to stop my fast thoughts with no luck. I should learn yoga. "Should" being the operative word. Mass praises to you, Jesus. What a divine day. Thank you for the small reminders that this is all worth me while. Keep my heart strong. I'll always need you, my alpha and omega, my beginning and end.

Day #255: Kameelputs, SA: Dale-filled Dreams

I'm sleepy, but I'm on cockroach control and hoping for Dale's phone call. Looks like I'll have to go another day. Sigh. Today was sincerely depressing-weather, mood, activities-you name it. I am feeling better than these past few days. I guess there's something to be said for that,huh?

I'm gonna exercise my energies at the other schools. Tshabelang sucks. The leadership there isn't enough to pull through. I just wish those kids wouldn't have to pay such a high price.

Damn-why isn't Dale calling? Can't he sense how much I require his attention? My,my, aren't I needy tonight? Love will do that to you, I suppose...and Fiona Apple.

I'm asking for a peaceful sleep tonight, roach-free. May be a big request, but I don't think it seems like much. I also pray Mammutla is more uplifting. I'm dying here! I'm wordless tonight. Suppose I will slip into sleep, meet Dale in my dreams tonight and on the phone tomorrow...I hope.

Day #254: Kameelputs, SA: Let It Go

I'm the first to admit that I'm moping. Can't say what my main malfunction is. In short, I just don't feel like enough. I want life to be right again. I miss ignorance. I feel like a horrible person. I need to humble myself to God and all heavenly and earthly beings. I've been too arrogant in my abilities and desires. No sense beating myself up. Recognize. Declare. Let it go. Learn.

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference. Always in your name.