Day #251: Kameelputs, SA: The Dancing Flame

I am bored to tears. I should find something to be productive about, but I am lacking the energy to be active. What a pleasantly cool day. I should be happier, more hopeful for this life. Instead, I'm pushing the years ahead-a bad idea, I assure you. This is an uncertain moment. I'm pulling myself through it, to see the beauty of solitude and grace in falling my own dreams on my own accord.

I have an amazing, not to mention handsome and talented and compassionate (I could go on and go!) man at home, waiting for me. Imagine that. Imagine not being second best or overlooked altogether. Imagine someone great wanting me. I am so blessed.

The smoke is dancing from the flame. I am lonely for my only love. No one man has filled this space in my heart as he does. He does it perfectly. Being in love is such an awesome experience, but it brings me insecurity and a desperate nervousness I've never felt before. I just want him near...and he is so very far away. I am so afraid that I'll lose him, that he'll change his heart once he sees things as they are.

I am getting mail tomorrow and hope it makes me remember love. I feel so alone now. I just really need Jesus. It's going to get better. Everyone knows that. Satan is taking this golden opportunity to attack my withering spirit. God is holding me up with both hands. I need only to fall into Him, let Him catch me this round. I must surrender to His love, let it captivate and surround me. What do I fear and why?